Currently singing: Zephyr Song, RHCP
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I am supposed to be studying, unfortunately however, I cannot pull all my will and want together in order to bring myself to do so. I find myself dwelling upon thoughts that had been craftily wrapped in a muslin cloth and buried underneath all the other concerns that stand to be of higher importance to my life. Distractions, I tell you. For one thing, I keep mulling over what I would plan to pursue in the coming years of my life--whether I should deviate from the mainstream and completely push myself into media (a subject I've had my eyes on for quite sometime), or whether I should probably take up a course abroad on dance and theatre.
I've always found my life gravitating towards the creative field. My mind is imaginative, I love movement--facial and bodily expressions, and since childhood I have had the inborn inclination to write and express. However, as honest and surprising as this may sound, even if I do take up English at a post-graduation level, where will I go with it? I do not see myself becoming an English professor, standing in front of a large army of moronic teenagers and trying to work with them. Even the mere imagination of such a situation seems humourous. I for one, cannot be strict--and though I am aware that there are teachers who are not strict and are still capable of teaching, it is something I cannot fashion myself into doing.
Moreover, a three years course in English Literature has taught me that though I love the subject, I absolutely cannot learn the texts, quotes and what have you not--it's simply unacceptable by my character and my intellect dissuades me from enjoying such liberties.
So the question thus proposed is, what next? Though I do continue to ponder on such matters, I am also conscious of my responsibilties towards my immediate present: studies. I must therefore, do nothing whatsoever in order to disrupt my concentration.
Must. study. Must.
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14 comments:
You know I LOVED english literature. Even won an award for it in college. But the way they teach it and expect us to study it is soooo wrong!
anyway, good luck with padhai!
I couldn't agree more with you more. They 'teach' English, they don't allow us to 'experience' it... It's done more from an examination perspective.
However some of my English professors have been brilliant, which is why I still love Literature.
And thank you for the good wishes :)
Even study's a bit of a give and take, with yourself. When you've got bouts of emotion to contend with, that only serve to distract and dissuade, give yourself a little time off, take a quick nap or some java (the real kind, preferably, but that stuff you drink ought to suffice for the moment), regain your bearings, and give it another shot.
Don't look too far into the future when there's bigger things on your plate. Little steps. Think of those ugly slightly-flooded areas around the monsoons. People put bricks there to walk across the puddles. Same thing. You're almost through this particular puddle, you just need to get past that last brick chunk. Once that's out of sight, then you think of what's next.
Just keep in mind, there's no puddle next, monsoons are over by the time you get through this puddle, and it's clear skies ahead :)
Now why can't I log into my god damn blogger id. Grr.
-poo bear ;)
K: That is one of the most supportive comments I have received till date. Thanks for standing by and lending an ear to my tantrums (which mind you, I am not proud of) :P
As for the coffee, haha, I've honestly given up. Once done with the exams, I'll allow you to teach me the art of making fabulous coffee.
And yes, little steps indeed.I do dream/imagine the future rather than concentrating on greater things at hand--however I guess that's only human.
P.S Loved the brick-puddle metaphor--hit the nail right on the head. Shall go study now.
Sounds too meditative! I think it's a bit hard to make strong and lasting decisions. Reading texts after lecture is always hard for me.
First, I applied to read English Literature, then after traveling widely in Asia, I decided to read Sociology and Anthropology. Still, I'm not comfortable. I can't sit and say, 'I need to read this text for exam'. I can't concentrate. I will take on a novel and that's why I'm always in lecture halls to grab it first hand as the lecturer teaches. But then, that's why I'm always an average student.
I think you can make a wonderful professor. You may not be harsh or something, but you can make a wonderful one. Maybe, come into the hall, stand on the opium and make the students laugh their ribs off with the way you teach. They get disciplined.
Anyway, best of luck as you concentrate. But...blogger will still be in your mind...you need to write something for US!
now i liek english as a subject.
its just the poems and stuff with the thy and thee gets a bit boring
learn learn mug up is all you do in school, in college i think they take it up a notch
and by the way thinking about the future while studying is possibly my favourite hobby ... daydreaming ...
best of luck with the studies
and this is what i have been hearing "take up something you love,and then dont have regrets"
Onyeka: Thanks. And as much as I love to blog, I just don't seem to generate any spare time. Will try to wrte as often as I can though.
Blue Butterfly: Haha, I think all of us who blog, somewhere love English. Won't you agree? :)
And honey, the 'thy' and the 'thee's are nothing.. If you have studied literature at a college level, you'll KNOW what the subject is all about.
And yes, one absolutely *must* take up something close to their heart.. and whomsoever has been providing you such enlightening thoughts, is a genius ;)
currently, I'm in a cbse school, I tell you they KILL English, KILL it. They have a fixed way of teaching it, they will not let us learn it any other way.
I have not much more to say.
I can advise like crazy, but what's the use, I never take my own advice...
Once I start doing that, life will improve.
Reminds me of the crossroad I was met with a few years ago after denouncing myself as an engineering student and turning myself into an English major presently.
From that day, till this, my good mother hasn't failed to ask me: what next?
I still tell my mother that the promise of plans seldom promises with it certainty.
So for now, try putting those thoughts away :)
Mystique: I know what you mean, and 'kill' is abolutely the right word for it.
Abench: Hmm.. True. However, in my defense, thinking about the future in a way allows me to 'divert' my attention from the present monotony of life--but then again, if I don't work on my present right now, I won't have an exceedingly brilliant-happy-go-lucky future either...Which is why, I should probably return to Walcott.
I left a job as a writer for a show in MTV just coz it was in HINDI. :(
Even though it may have been a good opportunity but somehow writing in hindi is like scary. I doubt if I can pull it through. And then I wanna be a film-maker. I wonder how I'll make hindi movies in our country. :P
About the confusion you facing, as I say "The problem with humans is that most of the time we don't really know what "exactly" we want."
But I'm glad I know where I belong. movies n movies. :)
Best of luck with studies!
True, Rohit. We don't really know what we want. I am the kind who goes where my life takes me--I've learnt with time to recognize my interests and opt for courses from there.
In 5th grade, I had those 'kiddy' aspirations to become a doctor, was inspired to study Law in between, and then realized that more than Law, I was more interested in studying literature, music, theatre.. College gave me all that--now I think I should go a step further, and get into media, or even dance-theatre for that matter... Hmm.. Let's see how it goes.
P.S. Appreciate the best wishes :)
Hmm.. you sound like a "Just-stepped-out-teenage-confused-kid?"
But I'm sure you're NOT! I fall in the same age *except* the confused part. :P
Well, you do carry some good interests. Theatres n all eh? Naaiicee!! Don't worry it might take sometime for you to know where exactly you belong, just start accepting and stop pretending.
Hope you know what I mean. :)
And btw, appreciate your comments on those posts. Good to know I ain't getting the shots alone. Your words perfectly sounded like the fucker inside me. Inner Musings back n all. ha!
Later.
Sutta: Haha, I fall into the same age , *except* I've passed your stage to taking the 'shots'... I listen to the 'fucker' inside me, and I listen to her well.. which is what you should do? But I guess, you're already getting there :)
Anyway, confused-teenage-kid? I must agree I am... Right now, I am *trying to* concentrate on giving my papers, but theatre is something I've been doing since college, so I hope to keep at it. I'll find my niche soon, and ironically now, I think I know where I belong... just figuring out the means to get there! ;)
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