FRAME OF MIND AS OF NOW: PISSED

Early in the morning, I wake up with a sore throat and no intentions to go to college whatsoever. I listen to Schism as I try to wake myself from the senseless consciousness I am in. The music changes to The Road I'm on-makes me question my existence. It's a cold day and I'm guessing I'll be falling sick pretty soon.

It's a fucking annoying day. Yesterday I had gone to 'cover' the Alumni meet of my college . Had to take interviews from random pass outs and ask them vague questions like, "So, how were your three years in this shit hole?"... So basically you can understand how my Sunday went. Pathetic .... Gloomy as the weather was, I still managed to catch up with friends. Two guys, a girl, an old monk and the religion of music. While the guys had something to drink, I went into a pensive mood. Music played in the background. Sunlight played hide and seek with the curtains. Smoke danced in the air.... "I like the randomness of smoke" says one in the group, mesmerized by the hypnotic dance of the plumes and the magic with which they animate the still air... The music plays on... plays in my subconsciousness... yet, I'm surrounded by this silence. Where I can hear absolutely nothing. I breathe... Every breath is slow, warm, moist. It creates its own music... in... and out.... in... and out....

Brought back to reality with the clicking of my friend's fingers... Clicking to the beats of the music thats playing... He takes out a photo album and shows me pictures of his childhood... I have an ambiguous perception towards pictures... Don't really know whether I like them or not. They revive memories. Remembering memories makes us live in the past while being in the present. Why? Why should we think about something that has gone? That has ceased to exist? Those moments will never come again. You may call me pessimistic, but here I'm asking you to look forward, embrace the future, live the life that is to come. So am I optimistic then? Naah... I'm just sane... I think.... I guess.... I hope....

The music changes track: "The Logical Song"

"How apt" my consciousness mockingly tells me. Nothing seems to be logical in this world. It's illogical. That's the beauty of it. Ironically, it is the insanity we live in that somehow, in a very weird way, makes sense. We humans love to dwell in depression. Drown ourselves in self-pity. "Life is harsh," I hear a friend of mine tell me. Sure it is. If it was easy, who would want to live it? Boredom would strike, melancholy would take over and we would be living a mundane life as an answer to an existence already known. If this doesn't make sense, don't bother. Probably we aren't on the same plane....

Mom asks me to make chai for her. My reply: I have to rush for college after this. I'm meted with a glare, a shrug and a pissed off, "riiiight" from my mother. She walks off.

LESSON #1: No matter what you're doing, never say 'no' to your mom. What will ensue otherwise, will be an endless cheer-up--mom process which will inevitably take up more time.

Will probably shove off now. Have to 'get ready' for college-a world where everyone lives in a comfortable bubble, completely divorced from reality.....

GOOD MORNING